


Sins of the Past

by Akiko_Natsuko



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Character Death, Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Past, Serious Injuries, Sins, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-17 06:26:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16511057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: In hindsight he should have realised that the past wasn't going to be that easy to leave behind, but he had been lulled by her presence and by Fairy Tail, and in the end that would be his greatest mistake.





	Sins of the Past

_My fault, this is all my fault._ Gajeel’s heart was beating a ragged beat in his chest as he staggered forward, his hand slipping away from where it had been pressed to the deep wound on his side, all thoughts of preserving his own life fading away. All awareness of Natsu and Lucy standing a short distance behind him, the Celestial mage already sobbing in a way that his guilt wouldn’t allow him to, disappearing into the fog that had settled over the world. Everything had narrowed down to the small figure hanging from the wall, her head resting limply against her chest - her too still chest. A choked noise that was halfway between a sob and a scream slipped out, but the tears wouldn’t come.

_Levy…_

   It was hard not to just fall to his knees under the weight of his grief, under the weight of the guilt tearing him apart from the inside, but there was something he had to do first. In the end, it was the only thing he could do…

“Levy…” He whispered hoarsely, crimson eyes closing for a moment as he reached her, the familiar scent of parchment and lily washing over him, only this time it was overlain by the sharp metallic tang of her blood, and he fought not to wretch. _This is my fault…_ He didn’t want to face this, facing it meant that it was real. _I don’t want it to be real,_ but he owed her that much. No, he owed her far more that, but this was all there was left for him to give, and slowly he forced his eyes opened once more. “Levy…” He reached out slowly to brush his fingers against her cheek, shuddering at the feeling of already cooling flesh before gently tilting her head up, tears finally slipping free as he found himself staring into her empty eyes.   _Levy, how did we come to this?_ Just hours before everything had been perfectly normal…

_The guild was as noisy as ever, Natsu had managed to drag Elfman and half a dozen others into a brawl on the far side of the room, and Makarov was busy crying about the damage being done. For once Gajeel wasn’t part of the chaos, although he was seriously contemplating joining in as he heard the Salamander loudly proclaiming that he could beat the lot of him, but he had promised Levy that he would try and stay out of trouble today as they were supposed to be going out that evening. It both was and wasn’t a date. They had been seeing each other for months now, but both of them tended to turn into awkward, stammering (not that he would ever admit it) wrecks when trying to label what they were doing. So, they were going out, and the Solid Script mage had been quite insistent that for once he wasn’t covered in scrapes and bruises from brawling. Spoil my fun why don’t you Shrimpy, he thought, eye twitching as a chair flew over his head, and he found himself halfway out of his seat before he even knew what he was doing._

_However, all thoughts of brawling or Levy killing him when she realised that he had given into temptation skidded to a halt as the hall doors burst open, and a frantic Juvia stumbled in barely managing to support a bloody, barely conscious Gray. The weight was obviously too much for her because she had barely stepped inside before they were falling, although she managed to twist in time to cushion the Ice mage’s fall, and for a moment there was nothing but silence as the reality of the sight washed away the good mood in the hall._

_“Please…help Gray-sama,” Juvia’s voice broke the silence, tears trickling down her face and suddenly there was an explosion of noise. Wendy and Erza were the first to reach them, the former dropping down beside Gray and paling as she took in the extent of his wounds, whilst the Re-quip moved round to help Juvia sit up, holding her gently to stop her getting in the Dragon-slayer’s way as she reached for the Ice mage once more._

_“Juvia let her work,” Erza ordered gently, her own expression tight with worry and anger as she studied Gray. It hadn’t escaped her notice that the trembling water mage in her arms was hurt as well, and it didn’t take a genius to work out why Gray was even worse off. Even before they had dated he had always gone out of his way to protect Juvia, there was no way he was going to let someone hurt her now, not that it made it any easier to see. But who would hurt them? And so close to the guild? Surely they know we won’t let this slide?_

_“Who did this?” Natsu was voice was barely above a growl, the fury that only surfaced when someone was attacking their family written across his face, hands curled against his sides to show his readiness to fight as he stared, narrow-eyed at Gray. Shakily Juvia reached into the pocket of her coat and drew out a tattered flag passing it to the Dragon-slayer who accepted it with a confused expression, and Gajeel inched in to study the insignia stitched roughly onto the material, and he felt his heart plummet. I thought that we were done with them…_

_“Phantom?” He demanded, and there was a ripple of sound as the name passed around the guild. It had been ages ago, but none of them had forgotten that battle, and he found himself unable to meet anyone’s eyes. Is this our fault as well? Slowly he met Juvia’s gaze, and he could see that her thoughts had taken a similar path and he wanted to curse, although it was never mentioned anymore, he knew that his crimes against the guild had been a lot worse than hers. What do they want with us now?_

_“They’ve come for the traitors…that’s what they said,” Juvia whispered glancing up at him, the fear in her eyes the same that was slowly beginning to stir in his chest, sniffling she scrubbed at her eyes for a moment before turning her gaze back to Gray.  “Juvia tried to stop them…b-but…” She trailed off with a shudder, fresh tears trickling down. Gray-sama…_

_“It’s all right,” Erza soothed her gently, tightening her arms around the trembling girl, hating the guilt that she could hear in the Water mage’s voice. “This isn’t your fault…either of you.” She shot Gajeel a worried look, realising that he was standing frozen and the expression on his face was one she had never seen before, but she could see that Natsu was eying the older Dragon-slayer and she trusted him to take care of him and focused her attention back on Juvia.  “Come on let’s get him upstairs, and you need cleaning up as well.”_

_Wendy was moving aside, letting Elfman move in to gently scoop the Ice mage up, and a small cry escaped the Water mage as she watched her boyfriend’s head loll limply back against the other man’s arms._

_“Juvia?” Erza prompted as she tried to ease Juvia to the feet, the Water mage refusing to move as she stared blankly at the Take-over mage’s back as he headed off towards the steps, Wendy on his heels. It took a moment before wide, blue eyes slowly drifted in her direction and she sucked in a sharp breath as she took in the raw pain in Juvia’s eyes. “Juvia…”_

_“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry,” Juvia whispered brokenly, and it was clear that she wasn’t just apologising to Gray for what had happened, and Erza closed her eyes for a moment, and she heard a soft growl rumbling up from both Gajeel and Natsu as they caught the quiet apologies._

_“Shh,” Erza murmured when she found her voice again, opening her eyes again and making sure that she the Water mage was looking at her before continuing, knowing that Gray would never forgive her if she let his girlfriend wallow in false guilt. “You have nothing to apologise for. Nothing! This is on Phantom, not you. “_

    _I should have left earlier…_ Deep down he knew that it wouldn’t have made a difference, that Levy’s fate had been sealed the moment she left the guild that morning. No, it had been sealed the moment she had decided to forgive him for his past crimes against her. _You should have hated me…_ He thought bitterly, even as his heart ached at the mere thought of it. The idea of a life without her, without the love that she had honoured him with. _But it would have been better than this…_ He had never once regretted accepting Makarov’s invitation to join Fairy Tail regardless of what he’d had to do, what he’d had to endure, but now staring into her eyes he wished that he had spat on the offer. _I did this…_

“Levy…” Slowly, tenderly he closed her eyes. If you didn’t look down, it was almost as though she was sleeping now, a strangely peaceful expression on his face and he fought the urge to howl at the sight. _This wasn’t supposed to happen._ Fairy Tail had seeped into his soul, and somewhere along the line, he had allowed himself to start believing that his past was just that. He had forgotten that others might not be so willing to forgive and forget, and because of that naivety - because of that failure.

_Levy…I’m so sorry._

    Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to turn his attention to the metal holding her in place against the wall. This attack had been planned down to the last detail, and his stomach churned as he reached out and carefully began to pull the metal away. It had always haunted him - what he had done to her that day, no matter how many times she had told him that she didn’t care, that she had forgiven him. To see her in that kind of position again was bad enough, but to know that it was because of him…

_“What do you think Gajeel-kun?” Jose’s voice had lost all traces of the mocking edge it had once had, this time his words were only meant to hurt and oh, didn’t they hurt. Not as much as the sight of the Solid Script mage hanging from the wall in front of him, so close and yet at the same time completely out of his reach for now. “Doesn’t this bring back fond memories? I thought you should be reminded of what you used to be.”_

    _A monster. That’s what I was…what I am._ What right did he even have to touch her? Yet he couldn’t leave her like that, and so he continued to work, snarling when he heard the other two trying to approach to offer him help.

“Let me do it!” _Please, it’s all I have._ They must’ve understood because he heard them stop, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at them, afraid of the disappointment…the grief…the hate he would surely find in their eyes. They had been hurt because of him…they had lost a guildmate because of him, and yet some part of him knew that they wouldn’t look at him like that, and in a way that was even more terrifying than the thought of their anger or hatred.

_This is my fault…_

    Finally, the last bolt came away, Levy slumping forward against him and he wrapped his arms around her, pain shooting up his side but he didn’t care. The pain was nothing compared to the fracturing in his heart as he cradled her against his chest. _Levy…_ She was small and overwhelmingly delicate in his arms, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he rested his head against hers, unable to stop the flood of memories… _Levy sleeping against his chest curled into the tiniest ball possible…flopping against him on the sofa when she wanted to read and spend time with him…the bright smile whenever she thought she had managed to catch him by surprise with a hug…_ This time there was no holding back the scream that rose in his throat, and he crashed to his knees as all the strength disappeared from his legs. _I destroyed that…_ Great, heaving sobs shook his body as he curled around her, hating himself for giving into his grief when he was the one to blame for this, but unable to hold the pain at bay.

“Levy…Levy…Levy…”

    The worst thing was that even in the end she hadn’t hated him. Even when Jose had said to her face that she was only there because of Gajeel, that she had meant nothing to Phantom, all she had done was raise her head to look at the Dragon-slayer.

_“That’s okay then…because it means that for a while at least I was precious to him.” Her voice had been hoarse from screaming, strained from the position that she as hung in, and yet there had been the same steel to her voice as the day she told him that she was going to be with him whether he liked it or not. Gajeel had thought that his heart was going to break right there and then, renewing his efforts to yank himself free of his own restraints…but that had been nothing compared to the next moment when she had smiled at him, seemingly unaware of the fact that Jose was moving in to finish his plan. Her lips had curled up, and for a moment she was just his Levy, the same beautiful, happy woman who had kissed him farewell that moment and hadn’t suffered the pain of the last few hours. “I could never regret that, and I will never blame you for this…”_

_“Levy!”_

_“I lov…”_

    She hadn’t even been given a chance to finish her final words, not that he needed her to, to know what she had been trying to say. _Idiot how could you say that to me…?_ She had died with a smile on her face, her gaze fixed on his. She had died right in front of him, barely a dozen feet away and yet he hadn’t been able to do anything to save her…

    He had waited for Jose to finish him, to finish his revenge and let him join her, but the older man had been even crueller than he had ever imagined possible. Instead, he had been left there, trapped in the magic resistant restraints that had stopped him from keeping his promise to protect her, unable to do anything but stare at her still form. It had been Natsu and Lucy who had finally tracked them down, delayed by other remnants of Phantom. It had been their voices that had broken him from his shocked stupor, and their hands - stupidly gentle, that had released him and finally allowed him to move to her side. _Too late…_

“Gajeel…” It was Natsu, his voice uncommonly soft and uncertain that broke the silence that had fallen, and Gajeel froze as he heard the Fire mage slowly moving towards him, snarling through his tears as he leant over Levy as though to protect her. _Too Late…_

“Stay back!”

“But…”

“STAY BACK!” His voice rose in an anguished shout, and he was relieved to hear Natsu come to a halt a moment later with a defeated noise. He knew the reason for the concern he’d heard in the other’s voice, he wasn’t blind to the fact that the wound he’d earned fighting his way to get here… _too late…_ was still bleeding heavily, or to the fact that his vision was beginning to blur from more than just tears, but he didn’t care. He knew that it wouldn’t be what Levy wanted. He knew that she had meant those last words with every fibre of her being even if he couldn’t understand why, but still he couldn’t bring himself to move or allow the others close.

_I’m sorry…_

 Blinking in an attempt to clear his vision even a little, he pulled back just enough to be able to peer down at her, studying her face with the same intensity he had every morning he had woken with her beside him. Stubborn chin. The hint of freckles on her cheeks from where she had been out reading in the sun the last few weeks. Long lashes dark against the paleness of her skin. Blue hair hanging freely by her face, her headband lost somewhere in the chaos. Delicate lips that had laughed just that morning…that had kissed him…scolded him…and broken him. Holding back another howl of pain he leant forward and brushed his lips against hers, letting his forehead come to rest against hers as he felt weakness creeping over him. _I’m sorry. I guess I was too late for both of us._ He pulled her closer, moving his mouth closer to her ear, knowing that it was too late but wanting his last words to be her alone.

“I’m sorry…but I’m not sorry for loving you…that…” _That is the only thing I can’t regret._ He might wish it had been unrequited or that it had never gone anywhere, but he could never regret having felt that way towards her. _I’m sorry._ The world was darkening around him now, and he was vaguely aware that he was falling, Levy still cradled against him and with the last of his strength he whispered the words that she had been prevented from saying.  “I love you.” As his eyes slid shut he was distantly aware of the frantic voices calling his name, but he couldn’t respond.

  _I’m sorry, it’s too late…_

   The world had narrowed down to a tiny pinprick of awareness, and he was just on the edge of losing that as well when a familiar voice reached him through the darkness, and there was a wistful smile on his lips as he faded completely.

_Gajeel you idiot…I love you too._

 


End file.
